What the everloving fuck.

[botherd]

Oh, Jesus. I always knew the Skins novel would be bad, but I didn't realise it was going to be THIS bad. I just. I can't believe someone got paid to write such bad fanfiction.

I mean, let's look at that extract:

‘Ooh, hello,’ said Katie loudly, tossing her hair like a frisky Shetland pony. ‘What do we have here?’ [This, apparently, is Katie's reaction to seeing a fit boy.]

WHAAAAT. Aside from the fact that that is THE MOST RIDICULOUS SIMILE EVER (can you imagine if Katie actually tossed her hair like a horse?), is that remotely in character based on the events of episode nine? Um, NO.

She clambered haughtily down the rocks to the beach.

If there were a Venn diagram of 'clamber' and 'haughty', I'm pretty sure the circles wouldn't overlap.

‘HELLO? I’m GAY,’ I hissed loudly.

WE USE CAPS FOR EMPHASIS. The 'hissed loudly' makes it even better.

I left Katie trussing herself up like Jordan’s little sister. False eyelashes, cement mix foundation, skirt up to her fanny.

Yeah, no. Katie is classier than that shit.

‘Hey lover.’

Um, WHAT. Can you actually imagine Naomi saying that? Lol forever.

AND THEN WE GET TO THE PHONE SEX WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO CURL UP AND DIE. I mean, okay, dirty talk always hits my embarrassment squick extra hard, but this is especially brutal. I can't even force myself to reread it and pick out quotes.

In conclusion: I'm pretty sure I could do a better job. (I'm not saying my writing is OMG AMAZING, but I'd at least put more thought into it than this hack did.) I know lots of other fandomers could. And yet this gets published! *weeps*

Comments

[holeybubushka.livejournal.com]

I'm reading it now (it came early). And I....ok, right now, Emily's in a lesbian bar (plausible) taking coke (kind of plausible) and watching a giant lesbian orgy (WTF!). Like, first of all, no lesbian bar in France had this when I was there, and second- this doesn't happen in real life. Or even in skins verse. And Emily is all like- well I'm gay and horny, so whatever. Emily would not do this!!!!

It's worse than what people say. It's nigh on unreadble.

Oh, and Naomi called Emily "baby".

Kill.Me. Now

*cries in a corner*

I don't care how awesome the next cast is, they have lost me for season five.

[botherd.livejournal.com]

LOL WHAT? I don't even know anymore. I'm kind of morbidly curious and sort of want to read it for the car crash value alone, but I'm not sure I physically could.

I'll most likely give series five a go (if it even happens) but I'm not actually expecting to like it.